May 28 2008
Uganda Weekend Magazine
I sometimes, feel that this world has very generous people with loads of advice and money to give you, for doing nothing. Ehh, this fella I’ve never even met, Mr Kafir Ahmed from Bank of Africa, Auditing and Accounting Unit in Ougadougou, Burkinafaso. Sent me an email saying that:
During our investigation and auditing in this bank, my department came across a very huge sum of money belonging to a deceased person who died on 31st july 2000 in a plane crash and the fund has been dormant in his account with this Bank without any claim of the fund in our custody either from his family or relation before our discovery to this development. Although personally, I keep this information secret within myself to enable the whole plans and idea be Profitable and successful during the time of execution. The said amount was U.S $15.5M (Fifteen million Five hundred Thousand United States dollars).
I panicked assuming that everyone today has decided to do something good for humanity.I then thought, what I could do that can help humanity?? And Bingo! it was there in ma face!!
I could help those girls who go from man to man. Those that trip daily from fiance to fiance because they fear to be alone and laid awake at night wondering if they’ll ever get fucked again.
You know what you silly girl, not having a guy gives you so much free time. You can get eight hours of sleep, do well at work and in class and still go to the hairdresser’s and go shopping. Be fuckin and utterly selfish because this is the one time in your life when you can.
Being, solo is so chic. If you’re going around kampala or Kigali streets thinking, “poor me, I’m single”, then go to the nearest mirror and give yourself an extremely stern glare. Ehh, you’re not going to get lucky if you’ve got a long face and just hang around at home sulking with a big plastic mug and wearing bad knickers.
Silly girl, what do you mean, “poor me”? You just happen to be between boyfriends. You have been blessed with some sweet liberty, a lovely pad all to yourself, you’re never locked out or faced with the toilet seat-up. You’re now a fabulous independent woman. You can go and flirt with anyone you want and not feel guilty.
Before you go to flirt, make sure you have the very very naughty girl guide to life. Think of your pants as a Beaujolais Novuveau and go for a new range each year. New Knicker elastic always pulls you in, perks you up and leaves you feeling fabulous!
Girls love moaning and mercilessly accuse men of not talking.. But women don’t take what we men assume to be petty that way, okey I’ll take a guess here. Are your knickers grey? Are they big? Has the elastic gone? Go on, have a look. Have they passed their sell-by date?
Most girls pick a bikini in the prettiest colour, pop it on, and look at their reflection in the changing room mirror for about five seconds before deciding to buy it. Then they can’t work out why they look so different in the holiday photos.
When buying and wearing a bikini,don’t think of it as a bikini but a pair of knickers and bra.. A pair of knickers and a bra that you’re about to wear in public. Ehh cowgirl, obviously you need to work out what that bikini will look like in action. Avoid novelty clasps because men are simple creatures. Your Bikini should be too. He will be easily confused if presented with anything marginally more complex than a bra clasp.
There are a lot of things to think about,for fuck-sake, don’t be paranoid and depressed about purchasing a bikini
At least once a month you should come in carrying a bag of sexy undies. Men like a woman that invests in alluringly delicious smalls. As this will make any man think that you lead a reckless aventruess exciting private life.
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